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Advice to You In Your Early to Mid 20’s

Allow me to entertain you a story for a minute or two boys.

The year was 2008 and I was just coming off a bodybuilding contest when I went out to So Cal to house sit for a month or so.

At the time, I was dating a girl named Whitney. The signs where all there that it simply was not a good fit, but I didn’t learn my lesson after the first time she broke up with me.

Nope, this was go around number two with her.

Well, I had not been in So Cal for more than 24 hours when she called to tell me that once again she was breaking it off with me.

I was surprised, but I wasn’t. Yet, I was heart-broken for what seemed to be 8th time or so in my life.

So here I was, alone, in California with nothing but time. This can be a good thing and a bad thing because with too much idle time, your mind will tend to run wild with thoughts, many of which aren’t true.

At the time, I didn’t know that emotion and logic are opposites when it comes to how the brain functions.

To make matters worse, I didn’t have but one or two books with me.

Books? Yes, books.

When I look back on my life, it was often a word written in a book or a certain line that was able to inspire me and help me get out of whatever hole I seemed to be in at the time. But the one book I did have was a book by Brian Tracey, Goals, which helped to lift me just enough out of my frozen state to head down to the beach.

Yes, I was only a few miles from one of the most beautiful beaches in the country with a house all to myself. I had all the freedom and time in the world. And I was thinking all these ‘what-if’s’ with this failed relationship.

Lesson number one here is to take your ‘what-ifs’ and throw them out the window. They are irrelevant. You can go on forever asking yourself what-if when it comes to thinking about the past (the future is a different story for another time).

I can remember riding my bike down to the beach on a morning not long after feeling crushed and deciding that I was going to change this pattern once and for all.

This was not the first time a relationship ended like this, in fact, as I looked back upon them, they all ended like this. With the girl telling me I was too nice and blah, blah, blah. Different faces, same circumstances.

And for a while I believed them that I was too nice. How crazy is that?

This lead me to trying to change who I was fundamentally as a person. I believe I was destined as we all are to pay attention to the lesson if it keeps coming up and learn from it. My brain had finally recognized the pattern and that was that.

I decided to love myself first and foremost and I literally was talking to myself on the beach that day, telling myself how much I loved who I was as a person. In essence, I finally fell in love with myself, not in an egotistical way but in a truly compassionate way.

That was the moment I decided to never settle and also the moment that I realized if I really wanted my love to shine upon the world that I could only do so if I felt a deep, true love for myself.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that your great qualities are a weakness. Love yourself first and never ponder things from the past that you can’t change.

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